Turn that frown around during the new year

Some say the goal of managing mental illness is to merely find peace. Then there are those who say that settling for peace is to do nothing more than, well, settle.

The goal, some say, should be achieving some level of happiness and prosperity.

As many people are busy and excited about the upcoming holidays, others are facing holiday season depression that could be exacerbated by loneliness and mental illness or physical disabilities.

That's why there's the aptly named Turn-a-Frown-Around Foundation which, since its establishment in 2001, has helped battle the loneliness felt by hundreds of children and adults with mental or physical conditions.

The organization brings friendship to people and the realization that they are important and have the potential to lead full, rewarding lives.

TAFA has approximately 50 volunteers, the majority of whom have mental or physical disabilities. As they visit children and adults, they build a sense of value and purpose for both themselves and the people they visit.

“It’s amazing that after struggling with the symptoms of my mental illness for many years, I have the tremendous opportunity to use my experiences to help others with similar challenges. It fascinates me that after feeling worthless for such a long time, I believe I live a most worthwhile life. It’s my mission to help others feel this way, too,” said Drew Horn, who co-founded TAFA with Dr. Gregory N. Ervin, a psychopharmacologist.

Horn offers a unique form of stand-up comedy when he visits individuals in psychiatric institutions, nursing homes and other facilities.

“TAFA’s audiences and newly found friends often find a sense of hope and purpose, both critical factors for reintegration into the community and progress toward wellness and recovery,” said Debra L. Wentz, chief executive officer of the New Jersey Association of Mental Health Agencies, Inc.

Just feeling loved and not lonely makes all the difference. Unfortunately, however, for something so simple and priceless, "it is complicated and demands a price,” Horn said.

“I am so proud of what my volunteers and I have been able to accomplish and I know we can achieve so much more," Horn said. "If funding weren’t an issue, TAFA would be reaching out to thousands more children and adults throughout the nation.”

TAFA is having an impact in ending social isolation for a small portion of those in need and is poised to do so much more. In addition to having a profound influence on the children and adults they visit and experiencing their own personal growth, TAFA volunteers are battling stigma of mental illness in the community, Dr. Wentz said.

“While TAFA has a growing cadre of volunteers, it lacks the vehicles and other support necessary to enable it to fulfill its potential of making as substantial and widespread an impact as possible,” she said.

For more information about TAFA or to book events, contact TAFA at 973-744-4138 or via e-mail Drew Horn at frown2smile@aol.com. TAFA asks for a modest honorarium when arrangements are made for Horn or other TAFA volunteers to provide entertainment and support.

TAFA is a 501(c)(3) charitable, nonprofit organization and gratefully accepts donations to dedicate to its work.

New Year's Day can bring out a lot of joy, or create a lot of guilt

From RealSimple.com:

Everyone feels guilty from time to time, but being consumed with compunction can suck the joy out of life. Here are simple strategies for relieving the pressure.

What, exactly, is guilt?

Guilt is a feeling of remorse that arises when you have done something wrong or think you have.

As a rule, "people feel guilty when they feel they've failed or transgressed in some way," says June Tangney, a professor of psychology at George Mason University, in Fairfax, Virginia.

Guilt pops up when a spouse says something he realizes is hurtful, when a parent loses her temper with a child, or when a guest breaks the host's heirloom vase. "It typically arises when you cause someone else pain," Tangney says.

That is why guilt is not all bad, says Mark R. Leary, Ph.D., director of social psychology at Duke University, in Durham, North Carolina: "Emotions like guilt are essential to social relationships." They motivate you to take other people's feelings into account. In most cases, you simply register the feeling of guilt and that leads to some sort of attempt to make amends -- to apologize, to behave with more care -- which can help preserve important relationships.

When guilt becomes a problem

There are times when guilt ceases to serve any purpose other than to make you unhappy. Some people even slide into exhausting self-flagellation. When you obsess about something you've done without any purpose or clear goal, "that's when you need a reality check," says Mark R. Leary, Ph.D.

But even a moderate amount of guilt can weigh on women, who tend to feel it more than men. The general view is that women are more focused on the caring role, and caring is the bedrock of guilt. What's more, in a busy world, says professor June Tangney, women often feel that they must choose between shortchanging family and friends (guilt!), cutting corners at work (more guilt!), and ignoring their own needs (yet another type of guilt!).

"For many women, the standards are impossibly high, and the world -- and their inner voices -- are telling them that nothing they do is good enough," Tangney says. It's all too easy to feel as though you're always falling short.

How to handle your guilt

1. Talk it out.

That unfortunate joke you told at the party sounds horrible when you play it over and over in your head. But if you tell a friend, it may not seem so bad. "Secrecy is the intensifier of guilt," says Edward Hallowell, M.D., the author of "Dare to Forgive: The Power of Letting Go & Moving On," because keeping it to yourself doesn't allow for fresh perspective.

"Once you've bared something that you find troubling and discover that your friend isn't nearly as shocked as you thought she would be, the guilt begins to drain away and you feel better." And even if your friend is somewhat shocked, just airing the topic can keep you committed to being more sensitive in the future.

By discussing the issue openly, "you accept the fact that you're not perfect, that you've done things that aren't pretty," says Hallowell. But that doesn't mean you should punish yourself forevermore.

2. Try to make amends.

If you've done something that you truly regret, say you're sorry and try to remedy the situation. Most people appreciate the conciliatory gesture because it's a signal that you care about their feelings and value the relationship.

And you may find that they weren't all that upset. "Very often the things you are feeling guilty about didn't have any impact on the other person," says Hallowell, "and you're suffering for no reason."

3. Try a reality check.

Guilt often arises automatically, based on standards internalized during childhood. So before you reflexively accept guilt, take a minute to stop and ask, "Am I consciously living by my own expectations?" says Mark R. Leary, Ph.D. Perhaps your mother washed and waxed the floor twice a week. But you may not feel that's the best use of your time and energy, so you choose not to. Still, you feel guilty about not waxing. Those are your mother's priorities, not yours. And keep in mind that you may be the only one who is invested in the thing you feel so guilty about.

"Worrying about your failings as a mother because you didn't bake homemade cupcakes when the child doesn't even care is guilt gone wrong," says Margaret Clark, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Yale University.

4. Give yourself credit.

Remind yourself that what you did imperfectly is just part of being human, says Leary. Tell yourself, Everybody is late from time to time. Or Everybody says something stupid on occasion. That the behavior isn't unique to you doesn't make it OK, but it's reason enough to stop beating yourself up about it.

Try keeping a journal of all the good things that you've done. "Typically, people who are susceptible to guilt have a hard time giving themselves credit for anything," says Hallowell. So whenever you're feeling overwhelmed by guilt, stop and list five things you've done that are praiseworthy, whether they are small or large.

5. Break a sweat.

Instead of sitting around in a funk, go for a run, a bicycle ride, or a swim or play a few sets of tennis. "Working out is like hitting the reset button on your brain," says Hallowell. "It's hard to exercise and feel guilty at the same time."

Granted, this is not a permanent fix for an overwhelming feeling that you aren't pulling your weight at work or you're neglecting a friend, but it's a perfect antidote for smaller, isolated issues that may keep you awake for a night or two.

6. Beware of guilt trips.

Guilt isn't always something that you load on yourself. Some people (whether they intend to or not) induce guilt in others -- often to advance their own agendas.

To avoid falling prey to this, assess whether the other person's point of view is legitimate and if he or she is taking your needs into account. For example, perhaps your elderly mother doesn't get out much and loves your visits. But your daily presence will not literally cure what ails her, as she none-too-subtly suggests. If making the long trip to see her every day means you have to neglect your own family and yourself, this is a setup for more guilt. In this case, your mother's need is legitimate but her representation of it is exaggerated.

Talk to the other person about solutions that work for both of you so no one feels resentment toward the other. And if all else fails, bringing her a batch of cookies (store-bought) always makes things better.

Are you too guilty?

When you torment yourself over every little transgression, guilt can become toxic, even paralyzing. It can also jeopardize your health, contributing to depression, social anxiety, and eating disorders. "There's a difference between a sensitivity to other people's feelings and toxic guilt," says psychiatrist Edward Hallowell.

To help assess how guilt may be affecting you, see how many of the following statements ring true for you.

1. You can't seem to stop saying that you're sorry.

2. Other people keep telling you that you're too hard on yourself, that you expect too much from yourself.

3. Your mantras have become "I should have," "I wish I had," "I must."

4. You can't remember the last time you did something just for you: a movie, a manicure, a nap.

5. You can't say no, even if meeting someone else's needs means giving up the movie and the manicure.

6. You avoid people or situations because you think you don't belong or you're not good enough.

7. You feel resentful when you do something for someone else.

8. Everything is your fault.

9. Everything is your fault because you're stupid, bad, or unworthy.

10. You can't accept anything short of perfection from yourself.

Results: If more than five of the 10 statements describe how you often feel, it may be time to take steps to get your guilt under control.

"Talk to friends or family about how you feel," says Hallowell, and try the other techniques in this article. If you still can't rein in your guilt, consider talking to a therapist for more help, says Hallowell.

Remember the neediest!

Holiday blues and serious depression: Know the difference

While many people experience holiday blues, more than 19 million Americans of all ages suffer from depression and are likely to have even more severe symptoms during the holidays, compared to other times of the year, health professionals say.

It is essential to recognize the difference between holiday blues and serious depression and to know about support that is available all year long, according to the New Jersey Association of Mental Health Agencies, Inc.

NJAMHA says it's dedicated to helping children and adults recover from depression and other mental illnesses.

“Anyone could experience holiday blues. Perhaps they are not able to be with family members or they experience high levels of stress, which could be related to having unrealistically high expectations for the holidays," said Debra L. Wentz, Ph.D., Chief Executive Officer of NJAMHA.

"These types of issues could be alleviated by making time for ourselves, setting realistic expectations and trying to share special family memories. For thousands of children and adults, however, depression during the holiday season or any other time of the year is much more serious,”

She added: “If anyone shows a lack of interest in usual activities, sleep disturbances, weight changes or physical symptoms for several weeks, they should see a healthcare professional to determine if they have clinical depression. Treatments and other support are available and have been proven effective. However, without treatment, depression can lead to many serious complications, such as physical illness, drug or alcohol addiction or suicidal thoughts.”

Symptoms of holiday blues are similar to signs of depression: sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, agitation, anxiety, feelings of guilt, difficulty concentrating and decreased interest in activities that are usually enjoyable.

However, a prominent distinction between holiday blues and depression is the length of time these symptoms persist. Holiday blues last from a few days to a few weeks prior to or just after the holiday season, when people return to daily routines and no longer experience stress that is common around the holidays.

Holiday depression or stress could contribute to a tendency for increased use of alcohol or drugs, especially for individuals who are in the early stages of recovery from addictions. Drug or alcohol abuse is commonly associated with not only depression, but also suicide, accidents and domestic violence during the holiday season.

“In addition to having strategies for relieving stress, individuals can try to avoid situations that cause stress or alcohol or drug cravings. Having at least one friend or family member to provide support is equally important,” said Dr. Wentz.

The following are additional tips for during the holidays:

▪ Eat well to build energy and reduce cravings. However, to satisfy a strong urge for something that is sweet or contains alcohol, enjoy sweet foods and non-alcoholic drinks in moderation instead.

▪ Avoid or limit attendance at parties where alcohol will be served.

▪ Relieve stress with sleep, exercise, music, scheduled down time and avoidance of arguments.

▪ Have realistic expectations for how much money is spent on gifts and how much time is dedicated to family and social obligations.

▪ Seek professional help when needed to cope with depression or stress not only during the holiday season, but also any time throughout the year.

For those who suffer from postpartum depression: You're almost home

Congress is just about ready to take a giant leap in the world of postpartum depression treatment.

Sen. Robert Menendez and Congressman Bobby L. Rush are finalizing postpartum-depression treatment and education legislation for its anticipated victory in the U.S. Congress.

The new name of the legislation will be "The Melanie Blocker Stokes Mom’s Opportunity to Access Help, Education, Research and Support for Postpartum Depression Act." The lawmakers want to honor the substantial contributions each has made to this issue and continue to remember the woman - Melanie Blocker Stokes - who has become a symbol of the illness.

Blocker-Stokes was a Chicago native and pharmaceutical sales manager who, after the birth of her daughter, developed a psychosis that ultimately caused her to jump from a 12-story window ledge to her death on June 11, 2001.

The bill, if enacted, would require the secretary of Health and Human Services to expand and intensify research activities regarding postpartum depression and psychosis. The bill would also require additional support for basic and clinical research, epidemiological studies, diagnostic techniques and educational programs.

It is expected the bill will pass in early spring or possibly sooner once Congress reconvenes. It appears that Democratic support is substantial, but there are still some Republicans who need some convincing.

"I assured our legislators that we will be ready to do whatever it takes - writing, blogging, calling, adding our voices, spirit and energy to help achieve this historic victory for America's mothers and children," said Susan Dowd Stone, president of Postpartum Support International.

"Julia," by the Beatles
(A song that John Lennon dedicated to his mother)
Half of what I say is meaningless
But I say it just to reach you,
Julia

Julia, Julia, oceanchild, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Julia, seashell eyes, windy smile, calls me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

Her hair of floating sky is shimmering, glimmering,
In the sun

Julia, Julia, morning moon, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia

When I cannot sing my heart
I can only speak my mind, Julia

Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me
So I sing a song of love, Julia
Hum hum hum...calls me
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia

Drugs may not be the first choice in mental health care, some say

Not everyone believes that drugs should be the first alternative in managing mental health issues.

The organization "MindFreedom International" has sent out an "alert" to tell people they have six more days to e-mail the National Institute of Mental Health about its "Strategic Plan," which outlines the agency's research goals for the next five years.

The deadline is this Friday, Dec. 21. E-mail to: strategicplanning2@mail.nih.gov

What's needed? "Voices for Choices in Mental Health!" Mind Freedom has declared.

Mind Freedom wants the NIMH to research on more choices in mental health than "drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs and more drugs."

According to Mind Freedom:

• 98 - number of times NIMH draft uses any of words "drug, medication, biological, illness, disease, genetics"

• 38 - number of times NIMH draft uses word "brain"

• 16 - number of times NIMH draft uses word "recovery"

• 2 - number of times NIMH draft refers to the "mind"

• 0 [zero] - number of times NIMH draft uses any of the words "counseling, consumers, survivors, peer, mutual support, empowerment,self-determination, rights, employment, jobs, housing, psychosocial, wholistic, holistic, psychotherapy"
  

You may download a PDF (789 kb) draft of the NIMH strategic plan here: http://www.nimh.nih.gov/about/strategic-planning-reports/nimh-draft-
strategic-plan.pdf

A hidden agenda behind a veil of independence

Here's something to keep in mind as the 2008 election nears.

As much as he says he's independent, Bill O'Reilly really isn't. Only this time, he's using a mental health stereotype as a weapon in his manipulation.

From the liberal blog, News Hounds:

Bill O'Reilly Turns "Loony Left" Into Dangerous Killers

As the election grows closer, Bill O'Reilly's attacks grow more ruthless. His "far-left loon" routine has been kicked up a notch and now he claims the left is not only anti-Christian but also out of control,dangerous and sure to hurt or kill someone. [In November] on The Factor, he used three segments to hammer the message home which is exactly what he advised Republicans to do in his weekly column, 9/22, to prevent a Democratic win in 2008.

After Newt Gingrich claimed that there was an 80 percent chance that Democrats would be victorious in '08', O'Reilly sounded the alarm in his weekly column. He offered the following campaign advise to Republicans which he has been using diligently while campaigning on The O'Reilly Factor.

"Also, the far left is totally out of control in this country, and a smart Republican candidate will tie those loons around the necks of Hillary or Barack Obama. Few Americans want to see Rosie O'Donnell and George Soros spending the night in the Lincoln bedroom. "

So "out of control loons" continued to monopolize The Factor and he even managed to bring Rosie O'Donnell back into the spotlight even though she has been keeping a very low profile. The message of a dangerously violent left emerging was played up and O'Donnell was connected to it.

[In a November segment of] Talking Points, he referred to the arrest of Paul Addis, performance artist, who was caught entering a San Francisco Church with fireworks which O'Reilly said were explosives.

He made this extreme prediction about far left protesters.

"As "Talking Points" has stated, unless the situation is dealt with by the authorities, people are going to die. In the last couple of weeks, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice has been assaulted, President Clinton shouted down and the Bill Maher program interrupted. The mainstream media has been largely silent in condemning these actions. And some loons are even encouraging them"

Medea Benjamin appeared to discuss the incident, called an "assault" by O'Reilly, involving a member of Code Pink confronting Condi Rice with a hand full of fake blood. O'Reilly reported that the protester was facing 10 years in prison which Benjamin said was untrue. She insisted that the charges were misdemeanors. It was clear that O'Reilly knew he had been caught exaggerating.

O'REILLY: All right, now she is, this Desiree Fairooz is charged with disorderly conduct, defacing government property, assault on a federal officer. She — these are felonies, I think.

BENJAMIN: No, these are misdemeanors.

O'REILLY: All misdemeanors.

BENJAMIN: Yes.

O'REILLY: If convicted, she could face 10 years in prison. Now.

BENJAMIN: That's not true.

O'REILLY: Well, that's what it says right here on the sheet. Maybe it's not, but the court date for her is December 5th. She could face up to 10 years in prison. That's what it says. Anyway.

BENJAMIN: No, they're misdemeanors.

Misdemeanor or not, O'Reilly got his message through and succeeded in hanging the "loons around the necks" of Democrats once again. Even after a segment about the horriffic right wing Westboro Baptist Church, O'Reilly mentioned the far left right before condemning Westboro. In fact, he claimed that the head of the church is a registered Democrat.

So make no mistake, Independent Bill is using The O'Reilly Factor to campaign for the Republicans.

Beware of parents who manipulate, and then alienate

Ever hear of children who are manipulated by one parent to turn against the other?

Some children figure it out and reconcile and with their "lost" parent. Many, however, don't.

"Parental alienation syndrome occurs when a parent emotionally manipulates a child into turning against his or her other parent, in the absence of abuse or neglect," says Dr. Amy J.L. Baker.

That's why Baker has written "Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties that Bind," because it presents what has become a growing problem not only in families that are suffering from divorce, but also those that manage to stay together.

The book "describes the 11 different catalysts to having the realization that one was a victim of parental alienation, [and] describes the long-term effects of parental alienation syndrome," she said.

The book is based on research interviews with 40 adults who were alienated from a parent as a child, according to Baker's website, http://www.amyjlbaker.com.

Baker is a nationally recognized expert in parent-child relationships - especially children of divorce, parental alienation syndrome, and emotional abuse of children.

The book describes the three different familial contexts where parental alienation can occur, and explores the ways in which parental personality disorders provides the psychic foundation for alienation, Baker said.

It also compares PAS to emotional abuse of children, and compares alienating parents to cult leaders who use the same thought reform and emotional manipulation techniques.

The book is written for both parents and the mental health professionals working with adult children of parental alienation syndrome, as well as currently alienated children, Baker said.

"The book offers insight into this experience from the perspective of the children who lived through it and offers hope to parents worried about losing their children to this tragic and painful experience," Baker said.

"Adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind," was published by W.W. Norton in April 2007 and is available in some bookstores and on Amazon.

A little organization goes a long way

The New Jersey Mental Health Institute, Inc. may seem like it has a limited reach because it's specified as a "New Jersey" group.

But the NJMHI does so much more in so many places that are much farther away.

Just to name a few:

* Delivery of keynote presentations and trainings for a total of more than 50,000 individuals. Three statewide conferences focused on cultural competence to improve treatment quality for diverse populations - not only ethnic groups, but also elderly immigrants and gay and lesbian clients. NJMHI also coordinated training for more than 23,000 mental health providers in New Jersey's Children's System of Care.

* Establishment of the Tsunami Mental Health Relief Project. More than 100 individuals in Sri Lanka were trained to help nearly 20,000 children and adults cope with the devastating effects of the tsunami in December 2004.

* Awarding of scholarships to 20 bilingual, bicultural students pursuing Master's degrees in social work.

* Developing and supporting policies that have increased access to non-emergency mental health services and decreased utilization of emergency and inpatient services among Hispanics in New Jersey. An additional 13,532 Hispanics received outpatient care in 2006, compared to 2000. Furthermore, 33 percent more Hispanics received screening services and 25 percent fewer Hispanics used emergency services between 2005 and 2006.

* Collaboration with other state and national organizations to battle stigma and discrimination; support families whose loved ones have mental illness; and influence the development of policies to support providers in delivering the most effective mental health services.

Chances are you have a friend or family member with mental illness, as it affects one in every five Americans. Imagine if your loved ones could not receive the care they need because of stigma, lack culturally competent providers or lack awareness of available services, the organization says.

Like many children and adults across the country, they would miss the vital opportunity to receive treatment that would change their lives. The New Jersey Mental Health Institute, Inc. (NJMHI) has made great strides toward solving this problem. With your support, NJMHI can have an increasingly significant impact on the lives of thousands of individuals.

Clearly, NJMHI is well poised to achieve so much more, especially with your support. That's why the group is asking for a tax-deductible donations to maintain its success.

The NJMI thanks everybody for their commitment in helping the group improve the lives of adults and children with mental illness.

Six years later, there's still a place to go for those suffering from Sept. 11

Even six years later, there are still places to go if you're a casualty of the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks.

And they're not just places that care for those who suffer physically. There are still thousands of people still suffering from the aftershocks of the event, and deal with lingering depression and fatigue.

There are still people who live alone, and suffer from the effects of losing a loved one. There are some who were there, and suffer from post-traumatic stress.

Anne Marie Baumann is the senior vice president of the FealGood Foundation, and she's been receiving many calls from people who are becoming ill - mentally and physically.

Baumann is still shocked herself by the lack of services provided to survivors of the attacks.

"They are looking for much needed help with not much available," she said. "It really is a shame and a discgrace!!!"

Giver her a call at 631-724-3320.

Finally, there's someone who not only cares about mental health, but how it's portrayed

Filmmakers often consider their craft a personal statement, but rarely is it to personal to the point of being real life.

Sure, “A Beautiful Mind,” was personal. But it was a Ron Howard project, and he grew up in the comforts of Hollywood and an atmosphere that was virtually free of the kind of personal hell that the movie represented so well.

Joseph Greco, however, grew up in Florida with a schizophrenic mother who suffered many of the same issues afflicting Marcia Gay Harden’s character in his movie, “CANVAS.”

Indeed, “CANVAS,” was so personal that Greco often calls it “a labor of love.” He believes others will feel the same way – particularly those who went through the same kind of personal hell.

“We want people to know that this a family like any family,” he told me in a recent interview.

“CANVAS” has been in the movie theaters for more than a month, and it’s received a number of decent reviews from The New York Times, Roger Ebert and others. But many critics were among the first to point out that it’s one of the few movies about mental illness that refrains from over-the-top depictions and stereotypes.

(For an example of an over-the-top depiction, watch “Me, Myself and Irene,” the 2000 movie starring Jim Carrey that mocks schizophrenia.)

That was because Greco, 35, wanted people to know what it was like to deal with someone they love who had wild mood swings. He wanted people to know what it’s like to be connected to somebody who couldn’t keep track of their emotions.

You can laugh, he says, but he wants you to understand, too.

“It was extremely cathartic and therapeutic [the movie] – I had to express something that was very harrowing,” he said. “I would hyperventilate in college whenever I would talk about my mother.”

This is an honest and serious depiction that, at times, charms and even humors people, too. But it can be dark, and even The New York Times noted that it’s ending is a bit too dark, giving the moviegoer a bit of an empty feeling at the end since – unlike “A Beautiful Mind” – there appears to be a lack of resolution.

Greco doesn’t apologize for that – in fact, he tried hard to resist the tendency to “romanticize mental illness and deal with the clichés.” He even had to stop movie producers from insisting that he either kill off or “cure” the Marcia Gay Harden character.

“I wanted to tell it as straight as I possibly could,” he said. It’s not a pretty picture.”

Greco hopes the movie, which also stars Joe Pantoliano of “Sopranos” fame, will take mental health one step closer to respectability and one step farther away from “the easy joke” that schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and other illnesses have become in movies.

“Mental illness affects all of us, and as in the case of ‘Me, Myself and Irene,’ it was always about the easy joke,” he said. “You would never do that about somebody with breast cancer.”