A family that survives is a family that inspires

Recently, I've been reading book after book, trying to find one that parallels my own. When you embark on a project that documents your family's history of mental illness, finding a role model that deals with the ugly topic ain't easy.

At long last, I've found one that serves as an inspiration for dealing with turmoil that's sparked by fear, change, longing, depression and illness.

"The Man in the White Sharkskin Suit: My Family's Exodus from Old Cairo to the New World,"by Lucette Lagnado, speaks of a family that came together quickly - an elaborate gambler named Leon Lagnado, the author's father, who married Edith, a quiet and reserved librarian who was born to riches until her father left the family.

The family stayed together and survived, though barely. They were tested constantly, and the central character - Leon, the man who liked to wear the sharkskin suit - died as a broken, physically handicapped man (much like my mother).

But there are lessons to be learned here. Despite the family's pitfalls, the family presevered for the sake of the children and for the sake of themselves.

It started at a restaurant, where Leon met Edith and her mother, Alexandra, who was overprotective but gave her blessing to the union. This is a restaurant where Leon, a devout Jewish man who likes to party, frequently went; but on this day, he caught Edith's eye and sent her a note.

He successfully courted her and they got married, quickly, beginning a life of hardships and moving around that eventually landed them in New York. Leon sensed a bad omen when the jewels on Edith's ring are stolen by her brother just before the wedding. But the wedding moved forward, anyway, because he viewed it as the right course for his life.

The book looks back at how Leon was a bit of a playboy, staying out nights to the horror of his mother, Zarifa. She had already lost children - to death, and one who converted to Catholicism and became a priest.

Leon liked to gamble and be with the "ladies," but he resisted to the idea of settling down. He also was a broker who didn't have a steady job but bought and sold everything. The only time he settled down was when it involved religion, and he was a deeply devout Jewish person who went to temple every day to pray.

World War II changed his lifestyle, with the Nazis bearing down on Egypt. Jews thought they would be killed. Then the British routed the Germans and that gave people hope. It also made Leon rethink his priorities, and that's what led him to Edith.

After they married, they were happy, at first. They even took care of a relative who had pleurisy. But then Leon eventually resumed his old habits, even as Edith gave birth to a girl, Suzette (whom Leon initially rejected because he wanted a son) and two boys, Cesar and Isaac. Leon's beloved mother, Zarifa, died around the same time.

Alexandra, Edith's mother, became more involved in the household, but things got worse. Edith gave birth to another Alexandra, but it was determined that both she and the baby, as a result of nursing and the passing of an infection, were sick.

Edith lived; the baby died after nine days. Edith then became hysterical and blamed the situation on Leon. The marriage then began to fall apart just as Egypt changed, with President Nasser pushing out the king, taking control of the country, empowering the country's Arabs and Muslims and encouraging Jews to leave.

Alexandra, Edith's mother, then deteriorated. She started to become demented. She never lived down losing her own blue-eyed son whom her husband, Isaac, had sold to other people before leaving her. She was constantly looking for the child, even though he was long gone.

Eventually, "Lou Lou," the author, was born. For the family, she was almost like a replacement for Alexandra and the family grew closer again. But the Jews still felt threatened - especially when Britain, France and Israel invaded Egypt in the 1950s Suez crisis.

Even though Egypt won, Leon's family realized they had to get out. A part of the family, including Alexandra, left for Israel first. Leon, meanwhile, was afraid to go there right away out of fear that Lou Lou wouldn't be able to handle the heat and decrepit conditions.

The family stayed in Egypt for a while. They procrastinated. They didn't really want to go. But things became more tenuous; culture and diversity was taken out of the schools. Cesar learned how to shoot a gun.

Leon, meanwhile, bonded with Lou Lou and her cat. They enjoyed sitting with each other and staring out into the street while he taught her Arab languages - a necessity in the evolving culture and demographics of Egypt.

Then Leon became seriously injured while walking to the temple. He broke his leg. A pin was inserted, but the pin eventually broke. He lived the rest of his life with a limp that only got worse.

Later, Lou Lou developed cat scratch fever and the family was at a loss. They didn't know how to deal with it, and it delayed their departure from Egypt. It finally subsided after she and her father searched for a cure, and they went through a religious ritual. But this illness - coupled with her father's physical deterioration - became a lingering theme in her life.

The tipping point for leaving Egypt happened when Suzette was arrested - for apparent prostitution, though the charge wasn't true. Leon sprang her loose, but he knew this was the end of their time in Egypt. They packed everything up and headed for France, and they were forced to leave behind their most expensive possessions - including Lou Lou's beloved cat. With Nasser taking control, they were subjected to live a more socialistic lifestyle.

In France, they lived an impoverished lifestyle. They then looked for a new place to live for the long-term. It came down to Israel or the United States. Then they learned that Alexandra had died - a devastating blow to a family that was protective of her, and protected by her in her younger years.

Instead of going to Israel, they decided on the United States. But this process took a while because the human rights and customs people were afraid that Leon was unemployable.

In the meantime, the family grew more accustomed to French life. Edith enjoyed taking long walks to the playground with Lou Lou. Cesar did odd jobs and enjoyed the nightlife. They held on until the family's transfer was approved - even though Lou Lou's bout with what appeared to be Scarlet Fever held things up.

They went to the United States aboard the Queen Mary. Once in New York, they stayed in Manhattan before moving to Brooklyn where other Egyptian Jews lived. Suzette, constantly at odds with her father, moved to Queens and eventually to California.

Leon, meanwhile, acclimated to the life and finds a temple. He bonded with Lou Lou, again, because she needed to learn Hebrew (something girls never did). Edith, who drifted further away from Leon and even once threatened divorce, found a temple that was not so old and stodgy.

Lou Lou continued to bond with Leon, who couldn't find real work. He sold fake ties, and Lou Lou accompanied him in Manhattan as he made his rounds. They walked around, making pennies on the sales. Lou Lou, meanwhile, always sat and stared quietly, watching every move Leon made as he tried to convince Manhattan shoppers that the ties were no worse than Ralph Lauren.

At the same time, Leon became physically worse, but he did everything he could to relive Cairo and the life he had when he was a dominant physical and financial force.

Italian immigrants moved onto their Brooklyn street, and they forced the family to move to another part of Brooklyn, Lou Lou says. There, the family - led by Lou Lou - got into an argument with the landlady, and they had to move again. They couldn't get settled.

They were poor, and Lou Lou grew up as an impoverished soul. But just when things looked up, they went down again. Lou Lou was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Disease; a reversal of the conventional wisdom that she had a recurrence of cat scratch fever. The family was devastated. Lou Lou opted for radiation, possibly going against family wishes. She wouldn't be able to have children.

The family lived out the 1970s, which Lou Lou called a "wretched" decade, surviving on the minimum. In the 1980s, her father developed dementia and housed himself at a Jewish hospital, while her mother suffered strokes and went to another hospital. Lou Lou visited both but found the experiences to be excruciatingly painful.

Finally, around 1992, Leon died. Her mother died a year later. Lou Lou was welcomed to pray at the memorial service for her father - going against custom, to allow a woman to pray. But she viewed herself as Leon's life observer - his shadow - so she did what was her father's favorite custom: Kneel at the temple, and pray.

Lou Lou went back to Cairo in 2005, and visited the old house. The same family that bought the house when Leon's family left was still there. Lou Lou felt good about seeing the big rooms where she spent time as a young child, and often thought about what her father - the man who wore the sharkskin suit - would feel like if he were there, too.

But she knew he was there, in spirit, pushing her to discover and learn how the family overcame trouble and heartache. And as I embark on my own project, I feel like my mother is there, too.