Taking fanaticism too far

The Mets are my team, my life.

Now, after heartbreaking collapses, playoff losses and this season's roller-coaster ride, I'm still feeling empty, wondering what happened.

In 2006, during each playoff game, I was glued to the TV, punching the air when they did well and slapping my hip when they failed. After the decisive play - a three-run home run by the St. Louis Cardinals - I moped, and even cried. It's possible I cared more than some of the players.

Surely, I know why my team lost. They lacked pitching, depth and, perhaps, nerve. But what was happening to me?

Sports fanaticism isn't necessary a mental illness. But it can fuel behavior that can paralyze the mind, mental professionals say. A simple baseball game can transform even the average fan into an incorrigible human being.

Psychologists debate whether the deep affection sports fans have for their teams has an adverse impact on behavior and lifestyle. To some, the question is this: If you're not participating, then why should you care?

"I have seen abusive fans who [act abusively] in front of their own children, and that seems reprehensible to me," says Arnold LeUnes, a sports psychologist at Texas A&M. "Abusing kids or young adults [at a sporting event] in front of children cannot send the correct message."

Picking a team usually speaks to one's identity, professionals say. LeUnes says people are drawn to sports largely as a way to build their self-esteem.

In some ways, people want to be associated with winners - like the Yankees. Teams like these appeal to those who appreciate a sense of order, LeUnes says.

To others, however, favoring a particular team could be rooted in family history. Robert Udewitz, a psychologist at Behavior Therapy of New York, says people don't normally torture themselves in choosing a favorite team. But once they do choose, they're hooked, and their passion is often handed down to the next generation.

"I think our identity becomes wrapped up at an early age," Udewitz says. "It says a lot about our families. We adopt a lot of things."

I worried about how my behavior would affect my 8-year-old son. He's a big Mets fan, too, and he shared my pain over the loss. In fact, he probably felt it more. He's very competitive - perhaps overly so. Is that my fault?

It scares me, because I see how others transform that competitiveness into violence. It's not just soccer fans who cause riots - in recent years, fans have attacked players and coaches as they've stood on the field. Little League coaches have come under attack from parents - verbally and physically.

In 90 percent of the cases, LeUnes says, the goodness of rooting for a particular team outweighs the bad aspects.

"But fan behavior at youth sport events is a whole different deal, and we are all familiar with the out-of-control parent," he says.

Fans who take sports too seriously likely have other mental disorders that go way beyond simple fanaticism.

"It depends on how much they're functioning," Udewitz says. "If it affects their relationships, and their focus becomes so narrow, then it's probably problematic. Then maybe they need to develop coping strategies."

Udewitz, at least, understands my passion. He's 40, and he's a life-long Mets fan. Unlike Yankees fans, he says, Mets fans aren't necessarily looking for the win. They're looking for the surprise. Fans like underdogs. If a team like the Mets wins the World Series every 20 years, then they're meeting the expectations.

"For me, 1986 [the last time the Mets won the World Series] will last a long time," he says.

Udewitz says he treated the 2006 playoff loss better than he did in 2000, when the Mets lost the World Series to the Yankees.

"I had a nephew [this year] who was 11 years old, and he was extremely upset," he says. "That kind of put me in a different role, and I had to put it in perspective.

"It put me in a better frame of mind."

The Coping column was originally published in The Record of Bergen County, N.J. on Nov. 21, 2006.