Jumping with my daughter

I was finishing a story on transportation and money and blah blah blah (those are the words that go through my head, sometimes, when I'm doing stories on transportation and money and blah blah blah) when my 4-year-old daughter walked into the room.

"Oh, no," I thought. "My privacy is shattered! My silence is broken! No work will be done! Productivity shall cease!"

The first words out of Anna's mouth were, "You have to leave the room. We're playing here."

I have to leave? "Really?" I asked.

Suddenly, I felt scorned, like I did the day my junior prom date stood me up. Work suddenly felt so incredibly meaningless to me.

"Can't I stay?" I asked.

"OK," she said. Then she adopted that tone and used those words that, if they didn't come from the mouth of a 4-year-old, would sound like some bad Sci Fi Channel script.

"But you must play with us!" she said. "You must play with us now! You must stop your work!"

She walked in with her 4-year-old best friend and started jumping up and down on the bed. They tossed whatever papers I had laying there, and threw them on the floor. One was a paycheck (it was already cashed) that floated in the air like a leaf and landed on my lap.

Next thing I knew, I was jumping on the bed, too, only I was doing it from my knees. The ceiling in this room is too low for a 6-foot-2-inch, relatively sane man to be bouncing up and down, from his flat feet, on an elevated bed.

All productivity did, indeed, cease. But I treasure these moments because I feel like every little jump, every little toss of the papers, every moment of just being there with Anna will help make her a loving, independent, strong, confident child and adult.

When it comes to dealing with children, I look at the sum of the parts. Who needs to schedule playtimes with your own son or daughter? They love and thrive on spontaneity, so why not meet them at their level?

Every little spontaneous moment, whether it's five minutes or five seconds, brings me closer. And all those moments put together, I believe, have made her a better child, a loving child and a caring child who knows that her parents will there for them, even at a moment's notice.

I look at my older boys and I see how they're turning out, and how they're turning out just that way. Neither of them are followers. Both of them seem to have a strong moral compass, even if our senses of humor can be - at times - pretty sick.

But they care when other people are hurting. They can't wait to tell my wife and me when they're succeeding. For years, before they got too old for it, they liked nothing better than jumping - on the bed, with us.

I hear from some people who say we coddle our children too much, that we don't give them enough independence and we have a hard time letting them go. These are usually the same people who endorse the warehousing of children in daycare centers and preschools that cram 30 children in a small room with one teacher.

"Stick them in daycare," people tell us. "Make money, man! Go to Wall Street, find rich pastures!"

Don't get me wrong - I totally understand daycare and I understand why it's necessary. We have had our children in some of those same places, though never for very long. But I don't know anyone who truly loves it, or views it as nothing more than a no-alternative solution.

My wife and I have chosen the poorer alternative, even though it has us juggling schedules and working multiple part-time jobs.

But it's also opened up our schedules so we can be there, at that moment, when my daughter looks up at us with her big blue eyes, with her bangs dangling over them, and says:

"Wanna jump?"

Trick or treat? Nope, says the government. April fools!

You gotta wonder when a governor says he's going take a pumpkin scooper to a state budget, and scrape so much out that there's nothing left but the mushy skin.

Well, welcome to New Jersey, where it's Halloween year-round because the state's fiscal picture is a never-ending horror show.

Every year, it's the same thing: Governors somehow find money for programs they can't pay for. Or they cut money for programs that people need. Or they double-talk people into telling them that they didn't raise their taxes when, in actuality, they did just that (trick or treat!).

This year, New Jersey's Governor Christie has a laundry list of things he's slashing with his large budget axe. There will be cuts to state aid to schools (geez, you gotta wonder if that's going to lead to property tax increases, no?). There will be cuts to higher education.

And, of course, there will be cuts to everybody's favorite target: Aid to services that care for the disabled and the ill.

Take New Jersey’s reductions of reimbursement rates to pharmacies serving Medicaid beneficiaries. As a result, small pharmacies won’t carry all prescriptions and patients will be discouraged from getting them filled.

Any increase in state revenue from co-pays would be dwarfed by the inevitable costs of emergency treatment, hospitalization and other services to treat individuals whose conditions worsen because they discontinue medications, Debra L. Wentz, chief executive officer of the New Jersey Association of Mental Health Agencies, Inc.

“Co-pays and reimbursement reductions impose a barrier for individuals who already struggle to pay for rent, food and utilities," Wentz said. "The state should not further burden them with co-pays, forcing them to choose between prescriptions and other needs."

Ultimately, untreated mental illness, whether due to an individual’s inability to pay for medications or lack of access to treatment, inevitably costs the state billions of dollars every year.

As a result, the state loses approximately $5.6 billion each year in lost productivity.

“In these difficult economic times, funding for any type of program or social service could be on the table as a potential budgetary cut," Wentz said. "It is unconscionable to force individuals with mental illness to forego treatment and face dire consequences in their lives, which can include not only hospitalizations, but also homelessness or incarcerations – and these consequences are also very costly to the state."

It's the kind of thing that makes me feel like we're living in a world of helplessness, that the only solution to everything is to cut, cut, cut until the backbone of society breaks in half. We look for inspiration in our political leaders; instead, we're left as victims of fiscal larceny, forced to give back when we really need to give more.

I've been listening a lot to the legendary comedian Bill Hicks lately. Bill died at 32 of pancreatic cancer, but he left a mark as one of the greatest stand-ups of all time.

Bill patterned his act after Richard Pryor: Neither of them claimed to tell jokes for a living. Instead, they said, they were just talking. They talked off the top of their heads, and much of what they had to say was cynical. But, mostly, Hicks' commentary, mixed with absurdity, was thought-provoking and on-target.

I'm no socialist, but his proposal for curing the world's ills, in the below video, makes more and more sense the more I listen to it, and the more I see failure in the eyes of society.

The new health care revolution: a coming co-pay revolt?

When I saw Brian Anan for the first time in many years, I was impressed by how he looked, but more shocked by what he had to say.

I still find it remarkable that I get this insecure feeling whenever I hear of a friend who's on meds. I feel terrible for being that way, but I can't help it. Some prejudices are just too hard to shake, even when somebody tells me how much the drug, Lexapro, has saved their life

Luckily, but not so lucky for him, Brian had other news that upstaged everything he said before, and quickly wiped my prejudices away. It was news that converted whatever insecure impulses I may harbor about medication and mental illness into justified anger.

I asked him how much this drug, an anti-anxiety medication, cost him.

"You wouldn't believe it," he said.

"Try me," I said. "I've heard stories."

"One-hundred-and-eighty-dollars."

"How much?" I asked. "Don't you have insurance?"

"Yeah," Brian said.

"THAT is your co-pay?"

"Yeah, just the co-pay," he said. "Even the people at Walgreen's were stunned...It was the first time a pharmacist's assistant ever said, 'Are you sure?' "

His company had just switched insurance plans, and this is what they left him with. An insurance plan that doesn't insure.

That made me think of health care, and how the politicians who run our country still can't get it right. They still can't get a floor vote in Congress on even the weakest of reform plans.

I've seen the tea-baggers and other conservative forces erupt in protest over the Obama administration's attempts to, in their words, lead a government coup of health care. I've seen liberals unjustifiably dismiss this movement as nothing more than, pardon the metaphor, a lunatics-running-the-asylum moment.

But I wonder if another revolution could be in the works. How many other Brian Anans are out there who will feel the same sticker shock when they go to their drug store and see how much they have to pay?

They're already paying nearly $1,000 a month for the health care plan itself, the same money that could go toward a month's rent. Now the meds that keep them alive, or maintain their sanity cost nearly as much as a car payment.

If they keep a budget, something's going to have to get cut. It may be easier to cut the pills than the car.

You gotta wonder how much longer a country can go when it's paying for medical insurance that has little-to-no competition. You gotta wonder how much longer people can last when they can't find the room on their credit card to pay for a co-pay.

Just a few years ago, Brian was paying $10 for the same medication. You gotta wonder why the pro-reform forces can't see this, and how their own campaigns for change repeatedly miss the point.

They consistently point to the 40 million people who don't have insurance. But what about the tens of millions who have it now but, they're learning quickly, can't afford it?

Many of those people are in the great middle-class, the same ones who are supposedly up-in-arms about any talk of a government takeover of health care. They're also the people who vote, and when they vote, they often vote with their wallet. Will they vote for their co-pay?

Brian's not so sure. For now, he'll pay the bill. After a life of living with eating disorders, he finally looks like he's found some security. His keeps in shape, but doesn't overeat. He's got a family and a decent job.

But if his co-pay can go up 1000 percent in just a couple years, what's next? What will he have to sacrifice if no change takes place?

"I'll remember this in November," Brian said. "If I don't see any legitimate options out there, I'm going to blame somebody."

Having bipolar disorder is no means to an end

Stephen Puibello was diagnosed as being HIV positive and having bipolar disorder at the same time, in 1997.

But life doesn't end, even after getting a double-whammy.

So last year, Stephen came up with www.BiPolarbear.us, a website that serves as a clearinghouse for people who experience the illness - including contact information and medical referrals.

It also provides personal stories - like this website - that resonate with people who suffer from bipolar disorder and educate those who have no connection to it at all.

But it also should inspire, because having bipolar disorder and HIV has not brought the Cliffside Park, N.J. resident down. In fact, the dual diagnosis has picked him up, and inspired him to act.

He said he was inspired to create the website after participating in an AIDS awareness ride last year.

"On the ride, HIV riders were offered a RED Flag if they chose to promote awareness," he said. "Being bipolar, I wanted to promote that as well, and when you arrive at the site you will see a polar bear (him in costume) riding a bike wearing a red AIDS ribbon."

Next year year, Stephen is planning on promoting HIV and Bipolar Illness in California's 5 day AIDS Ride.

"In three years I have raised an impressive $11,338.00, with close to another $4,000 this year anticipated," he said.

A year later, it's a barren land

I'm sitting in the Senate Press Gallery, looking out at a Washington street that's as empty as I feel.

I remember a year ago, almost to the minute, when I was nearly stampeded by throngs of crowds out to see President Obama's inauguration. I think about the promise of that day, and how America seemed to be changing for the better.

It didn't matter if you were Democrat or Republican - which I am neither. You had to feel something good about a black man being elected president. You had to feel something good about change, much like many people felt in 1980, when Ronald Reagan was elected.

Back then, in 1980, just as it was (and still is) in 2008, our country was in rut. As silly as this sounds, it didn't matter if Reagan's policies were good or bad for the country.

For many, hearing Reagan's strong and powerful voice was as exciting as seeing Obama project an image of equality and opportunity. In both, you had a feeling that America's image had changed for the better.

But now, as I look out at the street, the positive feelings are only fleeting. I can now only think about what was lost, or what could be lost, especially after the Democrats lost their 60-seat majority last night.

In the background, I can hear Sen. John McCain railing about how health care brought down the Democratic candidate for Ted Kennedy's Massachusetts seat, leading to Republican Scott Brown's election. He's probably right, but I still believe it wasn't the policy that was the problem.

It was the execution, and it was the leadership.

Millions of people stand to remain uninsured, and those who are insured are nearly certain to face rising co-pays for medication and doctor's visits, largely because the man who promised to bring us help couldn't capitalize on his potential to inspire.

People with mental illness stand to pay $50, or maybe even $100 for a bottle of anti-depressants because the man who promised to bring us help couldn't find a way to craft a vision that people understood, or even liked.

I remember Reagan getting Congress to pass tax cuts in the early 1980s, and doing it in a way that, perhaps, should be described in whatever textbooks are out there that have this theme: "How to be a successful politician."

Ten years before Ross Perot did it, Reagan went to the people. He got on the television, pre-empted prime-time programming, pulled out pie charts and showed everybody why, he felt, tax cuts would save the economy.

Whether the tax cuts were effective or not is another argument. His politics were genius, and he articulated a vision for the country on those nights that inspired thousands, maybe millions of people to call their congressional representatives and get them to pass the tax cuts.

He did it, even though the policy wasn't very popular. By 1984, however, it was very popular, and Reagan was elected in a landslide.

If there is any hope left for saving health care, the man who inspired many like Reagan did 28 years before needs to understand what the 40th president and former actor knew, and knew well: You can't sell the policy without the politics.

You can't live up to your potential if you can't learn to lead.

Someday, we will be free at last

MLK, 1963:

I am happy to join with you today in what will go down in history as the greatest demonstration for freedom in the history of our nation.

Five score years ago, a great American, in whose symbolic shadow we stand today, signed the Emancipation Proclamation. This momentous decree came as a great beacon light of hope to millions of Negro slaves who had been seared in the flames of withering injustice. It came as a joyous daybreak to end the long night of their captivity.

But one hundred years later, the Negro still is not free. One hundred years later, the life of the Negro is still sadly crippled by the manacles of segregation and the chains of discrimination. One hundred years later, the Negro lives on a lonely island of poverty in the midst of a vast ocean of material prosperity. One hundred years later, the Negro is still languished in the corners of American society and finds himself an exile in his own land. And so we've come here today to dramatize a shameful condition.

In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men, yes, black men as well as white men, would be guaranteed the "unalienable Rights" of "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness." It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked "insufficient funds."

But we refuse to believe that the bank of justice is bankrupt. We refuse to believe that there are insufficient funds in the great vaults of opportunity of this nation. And so, we've come to cash this check, a check that will give us upon demand the riches of freedom and the security of justice.

We have also come to this hallowed spot to remind America of the fierce urgency of now. This is no time to engage in the luxury of cooling off or to take the tranquilizing drug of gradualism. Now is the time to make real the promises of democracy. Now is the time to rise from the dark and desolate valley of segregation to the sunlit path of racial justice. Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksands of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children.

It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. And those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual. And there will be neither rest nor tranquility in America until the Negro is granted his citizenship rights. The whirlwinds of revolt will continue to shake the foundations of our nation until the bright day of justice emerges.

But there is something that I must say to my people, who stand on the warm threshold which leads into the palace of justice: In the process of gaining our rightful place, we must not be guilty of wrongful deeds. Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. We must not allow our creative protest to degenerate into physical violence. Again and again, we must rise to the majestic heights of meeting physical force with soul force.

The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people, for many of our white brothers, as evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom.

We cannot walk alone.

And as we walk, we must make the pledge that we shall always march ahead.

We cannot turn back.

There are those who are asking the devotees of civil rights, "When will you be satisfied?" We can never be satisfied as long as the Negro is the victim of the unspeakable horrors of police brutality. We can never be satisfied as long as our bodies, heavy with the fatigue of travel, cannot gain lodging in the motels of the highways and the hotels of the cities. We cannot be satisfied as long as the negro's basic mobility is from a smaller ghetto to a larger one. We can never be satisfied as long as our children are stripped of their self-hood and robbed of their dignity by a sign stating: "For Whites Only." We cannot be satisfied as long as a Negro in Mississippi cannot vote and a Negro in New York believes he has nothing for which to vote. No, no, we are not satisfied, and we will not be satisfied until "justice rolls down like waters, and righteousness like a mighty stream."

I am not unmindful that some of you have come here out of great trials and tribulations. Some of you have come fresh from narrow jail cells. And some of you have come from areas where your quest - quest for freedom left you battered by the storms of persecution and staggered by the winds of police brutality. You have been the veterans of creative suffering. Continue to work with the faith that unearned suffering is redemptive. Go back to Mississippi, go back to Alabama, go back to South Carolina, go back to Georgia, go back to Louisiana, go back to the slums and ghettos of our northern cities, knowing that somehow this situation can and will be changed.

Let us not wallow in the valley of despair, I say to you today, my friends.

And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" - one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."

This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.

With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:

My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.

Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,

From every mountainside, let freedom ring!

And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true.

And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.

Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.

Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.

Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.

But not only that: Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.

Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:

Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!

A place to go, for Haiti

Luckily, there's CNN, and some semblance of decency in news coverage. Luckily, there was a place to go to get the latest updates on Haiti. Luckily, there wasn't a network offering the same tired pseudo-political analysis from failed politicians who make a cheap and easy living by trashing political opponents.

Luckily, there was a place to see the devastation, the crumbling buildings that collapsed as a ground shook with the same ferociousness of that a nuclear attack.

Luckily, we could find the television coverage that didn't feature a governor who quit before her term was up, or a televangelist trying to tell us that Haiti was the president's fault and, therefore, our fault.

On CNN, we learned that 300 million are in need of medical assistance, and the Red Cross has run out of supplies. We learned that people are dying, and we learned how to help the survivors rather than a listening to yet another plug for a failed politician's book filled with vindictiveness and falsehoods.

It's not just CNN, either. I now write this as I watch David Letterman, who gave an address for people who want to help: http://www.wfp.org/lateshow.

I also scanned through a series of Facebook postings that could prove infinitely more useful than another assault on health care legislation on a network whose name sounds like a fury animal that cruises chicken houses, looking for dinner. They include:

- RedCross needs Kreyol speaking volunteers for PHONE BANK Contact Br. Wilford @ 305-776-6900 (from k. fieffe)

- Give as generously as you can to Doctors Without Borders #Haiti #Earthquake Response and help save lives. http://bit.ly/8B0kbu

- American Airlines is FLYING DOCTORS and NURSES to Haiti FOR FREE, 212 697 9767 212 697 9767 UPS is SHIPPING to Haiti FOR **25% OFF** TOMORROW, under 50 lbs. ALSO, RED CROSS is looking for volunteers who speak CREOLE and ENGLISH to answer phones & be a TRANSLATOR. Contact ur local Red Cross. PLZ PASS THIS INFO ALONG

- HAITI: Just texted "haiti" to 90999 (auto $10 donation to Red Cross; they've crossed $1 million already) and "yele" to 501501 ($5 auto donation); Mashable's ways to help now: http://bit.ly/4XID2c *** LET'S ALL DO THIS!

- Looking for any family members of NJ church group members who are now in Haiti. Please call Beth at the Associated Press at 609-802-3002.

- We are working on a fact page: http://www.thehaiticompanion.com/Home.html

- Donate to the Red Cross Int'l relief fund to get aid to Haiti, takes less time than buying coffee. https://american.redcross.org/site/Donation2?4306.donation=form1&idb=991405240&df_id=4306

Then there are the organizations I deal with, the mental health organizations that are always way in front on these issues. They're the real newsmakers because they're qualified at what they do, and they don't pretend otherwise.

They know that overcoming the mental battle is just as hard, or even harder than the physical. This is what happens in devastation; this is what's news.

Recognizing the immense psychological aid and support that will be needed in the coming days, weeks, and months ahead to help family members cope, the New Jersey Association of Mental Health Agencies, Inc. (NJAMHA) and the New Jersey Mental Health Institute, Inc. (NJMHI) offered to coordinate assistance to family members affected by this tragedy.

“I have watched, along with the rest of the world, with great sadness and sympathy as the people affected by this earthquake struggle to simply survive,” said Debra L. Wentz, who is Chief Executive Officer of the New Jersey Association of Mental Health Agencies, Inc. “Because of our experience in assisting with the deadly tsunami in late 2004, including my own firsthand experience being on-site in Sri Lanka while the tsunami occurred, NJAMHA and NJMHI are well prepared to assist with a natural disaster of this magnitude.”

Wentz added that the most serious mental health problems still lie ahead for victims, their families and relief workers. While it is normal in the days following a natural disaster to feel a range of emotions: irritability, night terrors, depression, hopelessness and anxiety, the challenge is to keep these feelings from taking root.

“It is perfectly natural to feel anxious or depressed at this time, but it is important for individuals to be aware of the symptoms that could indicate a more serious problem,” said Henry Acosta, deputy director of NJMHI. “It is important to understand that stressful times may exacerbate underlying mental health problems.”

Individuals who are having trouble coping with this traumatic experience should call a mental health professional in their community. It is important to realize that it will take time to heal. Trauma specialists also stress the importance of victims communicating their experience in whatever ways feel comfortable – such as by talking with family or friends, or by keeping a diary.

Wentz, who is fluent in French, and Acosta, who is fluent in Spanish, are available to coordinate assistance in English, French, some Haitian dialects, and Spanish for family members who may need mental health services, as well as to speak with members of the news media who may have questions about how to cope with this disaster. NJAMHA has compiled a set of fact sheets for coping with trauma.

To contact them, call (609) 838-5488 or email dwentz@njamha.org.